My name is David.
The only life you know of
that I have is the one
that you read about
in the comments section
on that story Yahoo posted about
Samsung phones catching on fire.
There I am a rich businessman
There I have a company
There I have any company in my home.
There I barely have time to run this concern
But more than enough time
To post five paragraphs
about how PC’s are for stupid teenagers
who play video games
and Macs are for real businessmen
real Captains of Industry
real Titans of the Technocracy
Because I swear this life is real.
I swear I actually own a mac.
I swear I’m not posting this from a library
Not from my mom’s computer that runs XP.
I swear that that’s what a PC user would say.
“The devil told you that!” said Rumpelstiltskin
I swear I googled that on Safari.
At my business, that I own. I swear.
Fuck you, you cretins who would question me.
But seriously, please fuck me. It’s been so long.
I’m begging you.